DIVORCE OPTIONS

Divorcing couples have four basic options when considering divorce in New Jersey:  litigation; mediation; collaborative divorce; and arbitration.   Evaluating each option is a good first stepin the divorce process.

LITIGATION

Litigation is the handling of your divorce by the adversarial court process.  Divorce complaints are filed, information is exchanged, and the Court dictates a schedule of events, all leading to a divorce trial.  It suits your case if:  there is no possibility of effective communication with your spouse; you have concerns that your spouse is acting fraudulently or in bad faith; there are issues of domestic violence; or if your children need special protection as a result of the risky behavior of a parent, such as substance abuse, violence, mental illness or criminal behavior. The downside is that you have little control of the process.  The Court dictates the scheduling and, in many cases, the financial circumstances under which you live pending the divorce. 

In choosing to litigate, parties should weigh the complexity of their matter (relative to the factors set forth above) against the risk and inconvenience associated with a lack of control over the process.  The more Court protections needed, the greater sacrifice you can make in terms of controlling the process.  Be advised, however, that protracted litigation often irreparably damages your post-divorce prospects of communication with your spouse.

The New Jersey Supreme Court has created a certification for attorneys practicing matrimonial law. You can seek an attorney who has been certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a Certified Matrimonial Attorney. Both Jay Turnbach and Jeff Horn have been Certified by the Supreme Court as Certified Matrimonial Attorneys.

MEDIATION

Mediation is a voluntary process whereby both spouses select a neutral mediator.  The mediator uses his/her special skill set to facilitate direct negotiations between you and your spouse.  You may engage in the mediation process with or without attorneys.  Once an agreement is reached, you then have it reviewed by your respective attorneys.  An uncontested divorce hearing is scheduled to dissolve your marriage andincorporate the mediated agreement into a final judgment from the court.

Mediation can be an efficient process for spouses with some residual ability to communicate.  You are fully involved in the negotiations and decision making process.  Mediation happens outside of court, enabling you to avoid artificial court-imposed deadlines and preserve your privacy.  You avoid long, unproductive waits in the courthouse and control costs, since the “work” of reaching a settlement is primarily done by you and your spouse, not your attorneys.

Be forewarned, however, that the more complex your financial situation, such as the ownership of a family business or a heavy debtburden, the more skill required by the mediator.  Also, mediation tends to be more successful when each party has reliable knowledge of the financial situation of his/her spouse.  If you are in the dark about the family finances, mediation may not be your best choice.

Currently, the gold standard for mediators is thecompletion of a 40 hour course to be a qualified mediator pursuant to Rule 1:40 of the New Jersey Rules of Court.  At our firm, Jerome J. Turnbach, Esq. has that qualification.

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE

Collaborative divorce is the most promising recent development in family law.  It builds upon the mediation model by empowering you and your spouse to take an active role in the divorce process, aided by your attorneys at the negotiating table.  Each party selects an attorney of his/her own choosing.  Both spouses then commit in writing to negotiate and develop a settlement agreement without litigation.  Negotiations then take place over a series ofconferences with both spouses and both attorneys present.  Outside professionals, including accountants,mental health professionals, child specialists, and financial advisers, are retained,when necessary, to facilitate settlement.

Like mediation, private negotiations occur outside of thecourthouse and follow a timetable created by the parties themselves.  The process is designed to be more open and less adversarial.  The lawyers are used for their problem-solving skills as divorce professionals, not hired guns.  Focus is on resolving your dispute with dignity and respect, which provides the groundworkfor healthier post-divorce relationships. 

In Ocean and Monmouth Counties, attorneys who are also collaborative practitioners have organized a business association to promote the process.  We can be found at www.JerseyShoreCollaborativeLawGroup.com.

ARBITRATION

Arbitration is another voluntary process by which the parties contract a third party, often an experienced matrimonial attorney, to serve as their own personal, private judge for their divorce.  By contract, the selected arbitrator is empowered to make the final decision in the matter based upon evidence presented by the parties and the attorneys. Arbitration is similar to litigation because it is useful under the same conditions litigation is useful.  It suits complex cases involving high net worth parties who value the additional privacy the process provides. Because you have essentially hired a private judge, the timing of the process is in your control, and you avoid airing dirty laundry inopen court.  If you own a business and have concerns of exposing your business model, finances, tax situation, or trade secrets to scrutiny in open court, arbitration may make sense.

Knowing your divorce options is the first step toward protecting your interests as you consider divorcing.

How to Prepare for Divorce

The decision to end your marriage is a difficult one.   No matter the length of the marriage, the number of children, the problems you see with your spouse, or your concerns for your own well-being and that of your children, deciding to move on with your life, on your own, is never an easy decision.  Regardless of whether you are committed to divorce, considering divorce, or just have an uneasy feeling about the future of your relationship, there are some things you can do now to empower you to make the right decisions moving forward.

Home Economics:

First and foremost, be sure that you have a thorough understanding of your family’s finances. Prepare a monthly budget to help you clearly see how much money it takes to live your current lifestyle.  Take a hard look at whether the family is solvent and accumulating savings, or whether you are accumulating debt to continue living your current lifestyle.  Many of the decisions divorcing couples must make are directly contingent upon the state of the family finances.

Beyond your budget, in considering your family finances,be sure you have a full understanding of the income and assets of yourspouse.  If you have been kept in the dark regarding your spouse’s earnings and assets, you are likely in an unhealthy relationship.  Successful outcomes in divorce often hinge upon your level of knowledge about the family finances.  Take charge of the household finances, learn how to budget, and learn about your spouse’s earnings.  If you can educate your attorney on your family’s budget and earnings, then your attorney can get to the heart of the matter right away.

Family and Friends:

Divorce, under the best of circumstances, is a difficult endeavor.  Uncertainty about your social and economic future is the single greatest stressor. Your attorney will be your divorce professional, and you may have a therapist to deal with your personal well being, but it is without question that your greatest source of support can be your family and friends.  Don’t let the embarrassment of a failing marriage alienate you from your family and friends.  Make a concerted effort to reach out for them, share your troubles with them, and ask them for support.  After all, you would be there for your friends and family if they needed you (or, perhaps you have already helped them through a difficultly in their life). Taking affirmative steps to gather support around you will help you make clear decisions concerning the need for divorce and during settlement negotiations if you decide to divorce.

Your Single Self:

Take some time to imagine the outcome of a divorce.  Where would you like to live? What are your interests and goals?  How can you meet your needs and your children’s needs? Are you worried about your basic needs for food, clothing and shelter,or are you worried about emotional needs for companionship and meaning in your life?  Lawyers are much more effective when they are advocating for a client with a plan than if they are charged with“getting as much as they can for you.” Try to think about your future in aconstructive way. Your divorce will pass, and then your life will restart.  There is no better time to construct the future you want.

It is only in the rare cases of high income earners that alimony and child support will be sufficient to permit a supported spouse to stay at home.  Most divorced spouses have to work.  With that in mind, you should take an inventory of your job skills and your potential network of contacts for a job search.  Divorce can be a great time to start over, both with your personal life and your career.  Consider career options in light of your needs to be with your children, earn a living wage, supplement your support,save for your future, or provide you with personal fulfillment.  If you need to further your education,explore the costs and time commitments involved.  Look into the job opportunities and salaries for your intended career and be sure they make sense in light of your age,aptitude and desires going forward.

Lastly, but not least, consider your health.  If divorce will mean limiting your health insurance coverage, schedule any routine doctor and dentist appointments and take care of any emergency or elective procedures while your coverage is intact and your spouse is available to care for your children while you recover.  In addition, gym memberships can provide great opportunities for social interaction while you get in shape and combat the deleterious effects that the stress of divorce can have on your health. 

JEROME J. TURNBACH, ESQ. 

Beginning JULY 1, 2010 CHRISTOPHER ALGEO, ESQ has joined our firm.  Mr. Algeo concentrates his practice is Real Estate and Business Transactions, Estate Planning and Administration, and Bankruptcy.  The addition of Mr. Algeo allows the firm to expand our practice areas beyond litigation into transactional work. 

Look to our site for more information about Christopher Algeo, Esq. on our website shortly.